Any relationship can be improved

Overview of an observing reformer

Of all the Insights preferences the observing reformer is among the most visionary and their gift is their independence of thought. They tend to be intellectuals who develop a vision of the world in their head that is more perfect than reality.

They have a constant challenge between their expectation of a perfect relationship and the reality that they find themselves living in.

They have a desire to improve every relationship that they can no matter how good it already is.

Finding a compatible, romantic partner is the biggest challenge many Observing Reformers face in their lives.

First Impressions of an observing reformer

Deep, series, and intellectually stimulating. They are often reserved at the begining and hence may come across as aloof.

They love a well-designed plan, with clear steps and an end goal. They rarely fall in love in a passionate and spontaneous way and are looking for a potential partner that meets clear criteria.

They appreciate it when someone else bring the fun element. They tend to be very perceptive and have an acute understanding of what makes you tick and how you may react and respond.

Observing reformer communication style

They tend to be slow to share and think deeply. They love being able to think and talk at a conceptual level. They can occasionally come over as sharp but never intend it and may be unwilling to see their responsibility in a negative situation.

As a relationship develops Oberving reformers are an imaginative and enthusiastic partner. They may not be particularly comfortable sharing their feelings and may spend more time thinking about love rather than expressing it.

As great strategists, they will be creative in finding solutions that work for both people in the relationship.

Sex and Intimacy

Like so much of an Observering Reformers life intimacy can seem so much richer in the imagination that it is in real life. They are often considering how they can improve the intimacy in their relationship.

Observing reformer and conflict

They typically respond to conflict with “I’ll need to think about that.” They don’t shy away from difficult conversation, but want to go into them well prepared and considering what the learning can be. If they are with a more sensitive partner they may be blamed for over intellectualising the conflict when all they wanted was a hug or some support.


They will stand by their commitments but may get bogged down by a reinterpretation of the original contract. They believe in commitment so long as everyone has the same interpretation.

Ending relationships

Once a relationship is over it needs to be dropped so that you can move onto new goals. It feels important to learn from the relationship that is now ending. Although the actions and behaviours suggest a swift move away from the relationship the mind is often slower and there can be a big internal struggle trying to understand why the relationship failed.