Delivering bad news: It’s something you said
- Difficult Conversations
- Feedback
- Influencing
- Insights
- Listening
Picture the scene; you’re in a railway station and running late.
You’ve had a horrific day at work and are desperate to get home in time to let the electrician in because you’ve had no power in your kitchen since yesterday morning.
Then, three tinny tones chime to signal a tannoy announcement, swiftly followed by a monotone announcement that blends near seamlessly with the background bustle of the station.
It takes you a couple of seconds to tune in, but when you do, you wish you hadn’t.
There’s a three-hour delay caused by someone misbehaving on your train.
Could today get any worse?
Think about this scenario for a moment. Who are you angry with?
Is it the person making the announcement?
- The train company?
- The person causing the delay?
- Everyone?
Rationality doesn’t always rule.
We like to think we’re rational. Most of the time, we are. But, when disaster strikes, it’s easy to let bad news short-circuit our thinking and start blaming whoever is unfortunate enough to be in front of us.
Cast your mind back to news footage of mass airport cancellations. Who is the recipient of the combined ire of a mob of twenty or so sunburnt tourists clad in loud shirts? It certainly isn’t the airport manager or someone with the power to change anything. The poor rep is just trying to do a day’s work.
Likewise, consider when you’ve asked a shop assistant for an item you desperately need. When they tell you, eyes downcast, that it’s out of stock, where is your frustration directed? If you’re honest, there’s probably been at least one occasion where it was pointed towards the unlucky minimum-wage, zero-hours contract worker.
Research agrees, too.
Getting cross with the person giving us the bad news rather than the cause (or just not getting cross at all) is a typical behaviour.
Researchers at Harvard University carried out experiments that showed that people who hear bad news tend to ascribe ill intent to the messenger. This is seldom the case, but our brains are wired with a sense-making mechanism that wants to put bad news in some order. The simplest way is to ascribe personal responsibility to whoever gives us the bad news.
In essence, our brains think ‘shooting the messenger’ is a logical thing to do when under stress.
We don’t have good in-built tools to counter this, either. But it’s not all bad news (excuse the pun)…
It’s all about the delivery.
While it’s tough to control how we react to bad news, we can control how we give it when we’re in the hot seat. The same Harvard researchers suggested that we can jump the gun on the shoot-the-messenger instinct of others.
The best way to do this is to preface the message to clarify your motives. Lead with empathy rather than taking a more direct approach.
Simple things like saying “I’m sorry to say this…” before you deliver the news can go a long way towards softening the blow or redirecting the recipient’s frustrations. Please keep it simple and avoid waffling on with a lengthy preamble because anything that clouds your message could cause confusion and further raise the tension.
What is the best way to deliver bad news?
There is no perfect ‘bad news’ solution. No one wants to hear it; even the most eloquent softener only reduces the sting a little.
That said, every little helps. Making an effort to deliver lousy news thoughtfully and compassionately is the right thing to do. Both for you and your recipient. You’ll be less likely to be on the receiving end of an outburst of frustration, and your recipient will be more likely to feel listened to and understood.
You can’t control how someone will react at the best of times, let alone when you’re delivering emotionally charged news. But you can take steps to mitigate that reaction.
Source: Petzer, M (2020). Don’t shoot the messenger: The enigmatic impact of conveying bad news during redundancy situations and how to limit the impact. In: Applied Research Conference 22-23
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